Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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