omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
