do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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