i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
