remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
