as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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