I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
