yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i think i just lost a toe
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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