Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
