why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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