I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
