I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
