You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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