I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
