please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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