i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
