So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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