at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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