You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
