you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
