Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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