There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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