worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
