2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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