The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
