No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
