When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
