You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
