is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
