so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
