There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
