; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
