Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
