he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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