Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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