11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
