Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
