my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
