I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
