bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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