I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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