all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
vagina is talking i cant
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
