Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
