and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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