So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The Olympian is in my bed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
