I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
