They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
