Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
