guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
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Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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