Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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