i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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