You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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