Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
