the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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