dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
