I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
