that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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