that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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