My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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