Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
