did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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