We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize