well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
