peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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