I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
