He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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