if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
