need another drink. this is the easiest way
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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