absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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