I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
