Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
