Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
