And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
