what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
we should paint friendship bongs
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