He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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