i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
